


Wearing A Lie Around My Neck (But Baby it's the Truth)

by Angels_Blade_Demons_Knife_1402



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anna Milton & Dean Friendship, BDSM, Castiel is bad at dealing, Collars, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dom Dean Winchester, Dom/sub, Emotions, Explicit Consent, M/M, No Aftercare, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Sub Castiel, Sub Dean, Subdrop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-16 10:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10569465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angels_Blade_Demons_Knife_1402/pseuds/Angels_Blade_Demons_Knife_1402
Summary: He kept his secrets for a reason - the less someone knows about you, the less they can hurt you.In a world where Cas is a sub, and Dean is his roommate/best friend with a secret, they're both stuck in an endless loop of pining, and Castiel's ways of dealing are...less than healthy. Dean really isn't any better.*~*~*~*"Don't ask me that question, Dean...You will not like my answer."





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in an Alternate Universe where people's Dynamic is a biological setting, almost like a A/B/O universe. Here's the breakdown:
> 
> Dominant: (Dom, Domme); leaders, Alpha-attitudes, decision makers. They go into a headspace where they want to protect, own, claim, etc. Drops are like depressions, and if uncorrected can be very, very dangerous. Repeated Drops can hinder a Dominants health to the point of getting physically sick.
> 
> Submissive: followers, the equivelant of an Omega. Their headspace is floaty, warm, fuzzy, light. They want to serve, follow, be owned, etc; Drops, just like a Doms, can get to the point of physical sickness, but these drops are significantly worse, as they can last longer. 
> 
> Switch: Not that different from a Bi-Dynamic, these guys choose the headspace they get to go into. They have no trouble subbing or even Dominating, but can't go that long without being put down into either headspace. 
> 
> Bi-Dynamics: These can lean toward either Dynamic, but yearn for both. Putting a BD into any headspace is difficult - just like with Dean, it's a power struggle with subbing, and not enough to Dominate. Difficult, yes, but not impossible. With the right partner(s) and the optional medication, this can be addressed.
> 
> Drops in this AU can be avoided by aftercare afterscenes or 'going down' into a headspace, followed by sleep. (It resets the brain to a normal setting.)
> 
> Most Dom/subbing in this AU is non-sexual.

"Leaving already, Novak?"

Castiel's back tightens. He'd been hoping to make an exit without notice. He didn't want to be here anymore, and Meg was already preparing her room for another scene with a different sub. He swallows down a curse and turns, smiling stiffly, emphasizing his exhaustion. It isn't much of a challenge. "Yes, Michael. Thank you for letting me come tonight, I really appreciate it."

Michael's blue eyes are not unkind, but they are analyzing as they scan him up and down once, then twice. He's smart, Castiel is aware, and he probably already knows where Castiel is going and what he's doing wrong. "Be careful, Castiel," he says, voice warning and yet still concerned. "You cannot continue like this forever." Castiel smiles wider, but it's almost a baring of teeth.

"I can always try. Have a good night, Michael." He turns and leaves without another word, carrying his pack in one hand with his sweater looped over his forearm. He unlocks the door and climbs into his car. ( _it's an abomination, man! **Not everyone can have a '67 Chevy impala, Dean.**_ ) It's not a long drive to his house, but it's enough to ride that line of dropping pretty steadily. 

Biting his lip, he digs out his phone and shoots off a quick text. 

**_Are you awake? I'm in the car now. Should be home in twenty minutes._ **

Two minutes later, Dean's name lights up his screen, Eye of the Tiger screaming at him. Castiel breathes in relief. "Hello?"

"The fuck do you mean, am I awake?" Dean laughs. "Man, you know damn well I can't sleep till you get home safe, and even after I have problems."

Castiel smiles in spite of himself. "You could have fallen asleep to Doctor Sexy. You never know."

The sub snorts. "Okay, that happened once. One time, Cas. Let it go. Anyway, what's the game plan tonight, angel? She ditch out on aftercare again?"

A pause. He swallows, feeling the heavy press of a lie on his chest. "She had a long list of clients tonight," he replies. That's partially the truth, at least; Meg was always fully booked for the night, and Castiel is lucky that she likes him enough to save him a spot twice a month on her Friday nights. But what he tells Dean - that she forgets aftercare each time - is where the lie comes in. Because if Cas has the choice of Dean pressed to his side and bundled in blankets or Meg...at least he could pretend for a while. And maybe he drops a little beforehand, but he thinks it's worth it. "It isn't her fault."

"Dude, this isn't healthy. You should really look for another place to do your scenes if this keeps happening. Sam and Gabriel are pretty happy over at Candyland. You should check them out."

Castiel grimaces. "No, no. I'm fine with this." _I'm happy with this._ "She knows everything already, I don't want to relearn another Dom."

Dean sighs. "Alright, man. If that's what you want, then I guess I can't say no. Not your Dom, don't make your decisions." The words sting, sharp and hot in his chest, even if Dean didn't mean it that way. "I ask again, what's the game plan tonight?"

"We had a medium level tonight, but I might be dropping by the time I get home," Castiel replies. It's honest and easy; this is something he can handle. 

"Got it. Leave the prep to me; you get your ass home safe, you understand?"

And god damn it, it's a cruel twist of fate that Dean's a sub and not a Dom because Castiel can almost hear that commanding tone. It hurts, but not as much as it hurts when Castiel replies, "yes, Dean, I understand." It's an exercise in futile wanting, but one he can't stop.

But at least, for right now, he can pretend for just a little longer.

*~*~*~*~*

Dean stares at his phone, trying not to choke on his own tongue. 

_Yes, Dean, I understand._

Fucking Cas. 

It's times like these that he really wishes he could just pick his dynamic and stick to it. See, everyone in the world classified as one of two things - submissive or Dominant. But a small percentage, like Dean, had to be special snowflakes.

They had to have the collar around their neck and hold a leash, too. Had to give and take, demand and follow. Dean hates it with a passion - hates the constant pull and push of each one, hates the tug of war when it came to scenes, because it's a fight to submit and unfulfilling to dominate. Hates the looks people give when he gives them his card and they glare because Bi-Dynamics are greedy and wrong, flukes in the system. 

Dean scrapes his hands over his eyes a few times, shakes off the frustration, and goes to the kitchen, eyeing the time on the oven. 

 **10:24 PM** , the numbers report, glowing red.

Cas would be here in about twenty minutes, which gives Dean just enough time to throw some water on the stove and get together their nest of blankets, set up the laptop with Netflix, and make a bag of snacks to share. It was easier now than it was when this little ritual first started - Cas had dropped hard, shivering and almost unresponsive in his bed, curled up and soaked from a shower. Now Dean knows that the aftercare ranges on three levels; low, medium, high. and that the best way to get Cas to a safe, non-drop-dangerous, was touch. He didn't need words, but he did need the pressure of another body against him, just the reassurance that one will use him and leave him like Jimmy did.

It worked for Dean, and thankfully, he always seems to slip into the Dominant side of his dynamic easily with Castiel. He's never encountered a snuggly Cas and wanted to submit. No, Castiel makes him want to _protect_ and _own_. Never has he ever felt as completely Dom as he does than with his roommate. It's a dangerous game he plays - how long can he stay in that mode before he crashes back to reality that Castiel will never want a flawed Bi-Dynamic like him?

Sometimes, Dean goes into a drop just making sure Castiel stays afloat. But it's worth it in the end. At least he can pretend a little longer.

Right as Dean finishes with getting things prepared, he hears the front door open, and Castiel's deep voice call out, "Dean? I'm home."

"In here. Come on in, I've got everything set up." He's sat cross-legged on the bed, computer in front of him, snacks on the floor right beside him, cocoa on the dresser, blankets wrapped around him like a soft bubble of comforter when he sees his blue-eyed roommate drop his stuff at the door and walk into the room. Dean opens the blanket cocoon just enough for the Novak and come in and press up against him, no space between them from shoulders to knees. Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, he hands him a cup of cocoa and says,"drink." Castiel responds almost on autopilot. no words spoken, and is eyes look ready to close for good. The blonde touches his side questioningly. "Need to hear your status, man."

"'M okay, Dean. Just...really tired, tonight. Can we just...Can we sleep?" Baby blues turn their piercing gaze to him fully, and Dean almost swallows his tongue again, because the Novak looks almost like he's ready for a rejection. The Dominant side surges in his veins. "Is that okay?" Castiel asks softly.

"Yeah, it's fine," Dean replies, voice just as light as the blue-eyed man's. "Here - before you get into bed, you need to eat just a little." He reaches over the edge of the bed and snags the corner of a packet of fruit gummies. But he must've leaned too far, because Castiel makes a noise and scrambles for purchase, gripping a handful of the hem of Dean's sweats. Dean can't help but flinch at the sudden, almost invasive contact, and sits straight again to grab Castiel's hands, letting them curl into a grip on his own instead. "Cas," he says, his tone firm and the word drawn out into a warning. "Angel, I don't mind doing this for you, okay? But you gotta keep hands off my sweats. If you need touch, you can grab my shirt, or my pants from the knee down. We talked about this, remember?"

Castiel nods. "I apologize. I didn't think about it before I acted."

And goddamn, every time this happens, it's a double-edged sword. He almost wants to explain why - how his Dynamic Marks were thick, black lines that curved over that 'off limit' section, around his waist, down his legs, up his abdomen. How he only did it because Castiel was something Dean could never have, but would always want, and he wouldn't be able to handle it if he looked at Dean the same way most people do. 

He waits for him to finish his snacks, and then sets everything aside and lets Cas stretch out into a laying down position before curling up beside him, legs tangling, knees tucked up against each other, arm wrapped loosely around Castiel's stomach, nose pushed lightly into his feathery black hair. "You gonna be okay, Cas?"

"I'll be fine," Castiel yawns, words already slurring, and Dean can feel his limbs relaxing into sleep. "Thank you, Sir." And then a snore. And Dean fights every instinct his body not to cringe at the name. His stomach somersaults twice and his eyes sting. It's right there, right out of reach. it hurts. He wants; God he wants.

"You're welcome, Angel." Dean says softly, and buries his face in the back of the Novak's shoulder to push away the stinging at his eyes and thoughts at the back of his mind.

Sleep does not come easy.

*~*~*~*

The next few days aren't much out of the ordinary. Dean's a little more withdrawn, when he can afford to be. If Castiel notices, he doesn't bring it to attention; instead, he seems to deal just fine, filling the time without Dean with other things, like knitting and reading, sketching and even going out with Meg to hang out at the mall. 

Dean could probably leave altogether and things would be just fine for Castiel. The thought makes him simultaneously sick to his stomach and proud of his submissive for not being so dependent. Sickness wins out when he realizes that Castiel isn't his, and he runs to the bathroom to hurl up everything he ate for breakfast. He drops hard, a cold, sharp fall that has him calling Anna, a fellow Bi-Dynamic who's been a go-to when he needs an good subspace scene. Nonsexual, of course; Gilda would throttle him at even the thought and she's like his sister. She wears her status proudly; the sky blue-colored Marks  wrap around her right arm and cover a shoulder blade, even dipping down to her fingers.  

"Hello?"

"Heya, Anna," Dean croaks. He's shaking, shivering, cold even though sweat beads at his temple. "Got some time on your hands by any chance?"

A pause. "Dean," she says, and he can feel the relief running through his veins at the Domme in her voice as she drags his name out in warning, "Are you dropping?"

"Ah...Kinda already did. I'm cold, but I'm sweating and I can't - I'm not in a good spot. Can you...D'you mind?" He wipes away the sweat and clenches his shaking hand. It's taken a lot for him to get here; to ask for help without feeling ashamed. He'd had to unlearn everything John beat into him for being a BD instead of a Switch or a Dom, had to learn he didn't have to sneak his collar or hide when he was feeling particularly submissive. He grew up with Jo, and it helped that she knew his story without him explaining. 

"Well, I'm in the middle of something right now so I can't come over, but I can help you get outta your drop. Can you go down right now?"

"Hrmm...Uh." He looks at the clock unsurely.

"Dean, I'm asking a yes or no question. I don't care about Castiel; remember that he believes you're a submissive as well. He won't mind seeing you in a headspace. I'm asking you again, and this time I want a confident answer. Can you go down right now? Yes or no." Anna's voice is reasonable, sympathetic even, but unrelenting. Dean can feel the cold fingers of a drop loosening just a hair because he may not be much good for Cas, but _this_ is something he can do.

"Yeah, I can go down right now," he replies. "I don't know if I'll actually _go down_ -."

"That's your BD speaking, but haven't we talked about this already? I want you to take a deep breath, Dean, and go to your room and get your collar for me. I can't be there to put it on personally, but I want you to imagine it's my hands doing the buckle, alright? And then I want you to go to your corner - you know the one - and I want you to kneel and read those words for me. Can you do that, Dean?"

He waits, takes that deep breath and lets his shoulders relax. His hands have stopped shaking, replaced with a slow confidence. "Yes, Anna," he responds. His drop is receding steadily as he feels himself letting go just a bit more.

She chuckles. "Good boy. Go do that for me. I'll see how long it will be before I'm finished with Jo. Maybe I can visit for a while. But only if you go down like you're supposed to, yes?" The words are a pleasant stream, but worry gnaws at Dean's stomach until she continues, "Now, go do your tasks for me and I'll stay here on the phone with you until you kneel."

"Alright," He replies, worry squashed before he goes to his dresser and takes out the box, opening it to show his collar. It's beautiful, a butter soft beige strap of leather with pale green rhinestones and black stitching, a buckle that jingles when he shakes it, and a silver tag that has his name etched into it. It's one thing that he's always protected, always felt guarded about showing. Yes, he paraded as a submissive, and there was nothing wrong with that, but there's a certain specialty to this collar, because it's one of the few items that help him go down easier.

He buckles it with quick, nimble fingers, swallows against it and closes his eyes to adjust to the comfortable weight. "It's on."

"Good boy, Dean. I want you to go kneel for me, and read your mantra fifteen times, alright? If you finish before I get there, I want you to stay kneeling until I arrive. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, Anna," he replies, slow and sure, mind uncoiling just a little. He's going down already, can feel the last weights of his drop falling off of his shoulders.

"Good. And one more thing - this is going to be a challenge for you, but I want you to do it anyway, because I know you can and I want you to be good for me. If Castiel comes home during any point, Dean, I want you to stay on task. If you're kneeling, if your reading that paper, even if you're just with me watching T.V. a little later, I want you to continue doing that, and not even spare him a second glance. If he asks a question, I will answer. Can you do that for me, Dean?"

He swallows as he pulls a cushion from underneath his bed and sets it gingerly on the floor. It's a challenge, yes, and not altogether a simple one - Anna knows the gravity of what she's asking - but it might not impossible either. Difficult, a struggle, definitely, but nothing he knows he can't do. "I can try my best," he says. She hums approvingly. "I'll kneel now."

"Good. I'll be there soon. Focus on those words, Dean. Remember that those words are true."

She hangs up as he gingerly goes to his knees. The action makes his mind swim in a sudden rush. It always happens like this; kneeling was a surefire way to get him into subspace. He looks at the paper, the one Anna had printed out for him; the self-worthy and loved statements bold and true, focuses on the words and the feeling of his collar around his neck, the position he's in. He swallows once, fists his hands in his sweats, and starts reading. 

*~*~*~*~*

Castiel comes home earlier than he expected to. The house is quieter than usual, a tv playing somewhere, but otherwise silent, and he wonders for a moment if Dean is even home. 

"Dean? I'm home early," he calls out.

A murmur, someone that's distinctly not Dean, and then, "We're in the living room, Castiel," answers him in a woman's voice. Castiel's back tightens in preparation. His stomach flops uneasily as he walks in and the sight before him as his entire guard slamming upward, face going blank, eyes narrowed. 

The Winchester is kneeling with his eyes closed in pure subspace, a collar around his neck, a redhead sitting on the couch next to him, running her fingers through his hair while watching TV. She looks up and he realizes this isn't any random Domme; this is _Anna_. Dean's go-to for going down. She smiles. "Hello, Castiel. How was work?"

"It was fine," he replies. He can hear his own bitter tone as he takes in everything, can't help it and doesn't try to curb it. The red hair, the sky blue eyes - and then he sees her Dynamic Marks, from under her t-shirt to her finger tips. Both jagged lines and graceful curves. He frowns. "Dean didn't mention that you're a BD."

"While I am not ashamed of my Dynamic, it's not something to be shared with everyone. Is that going to be a problem?" Her eyes narrow, and Castiel is suddenly aware that Bi-Dynamics are still able to Dom, and that disrespect now, when Dean is so very in tune with Anna's emotions, would be a very bad idea. It's not unlikely that he would end up dropping if she got too upset, and Castiel would hate for him to end up as collateral damage. Dean hums questioningly at Anna's palm, pushes his head lightly under her palm, and she refocuses her attention to him. "I know, I'm sorry - I stopped, didn't I?" Her voice is gentle as she resumes petting, but her eyes are cold, cutting glass when she looks back up at Cas, something almost protective in her gaze. "BD is a valid Dynamic."

He raises his hands. "I was never under the impression they weren't. It's not a problem for me." He takes a breath, tries not to feel like he's been punched in the face, doesn't mention that his brother Gabriel was BD turned Switch. "I'm making some leftovers for dinner, are you or Dean hungry?"

She hums, then leans down to Dean's ear. "Dean," she whispers, hand reaching to the back of his neck, squeeing gently. "Food is going to be ready in a little bit. Do you feel like eating?"

"'kind of food?" Dean slurs, and Castiel knows he's in deep because Dean in subspace is even more amazing than Dean when he's almost Dominant. Anna looks at him questioningly, and he mouths a reply, standing stiffly. 

"Meatballs and gravy over rice."

Dean blinks owlishly and looks up at Anna. "Can you..."

"Well you did your sentences very well earlier and you pulled out of that drop very quickly. I suppose I can feed you this time," she replies, amused with a twinkle in her eye. It's obvious these two have learned each other in a way that only comes from a long history and a large dose of experience. He tries not to let his jealousy seep through. She sits back up and smiles crookedly at Castiel. "Thank you, Castiel. Do you have any fruit?"

He nods, too busy with the information about _Dean having a drop and not calling him_ to really be barbed. "Grapes, apples, I think we even have a few bananas."

"Do you mind if I eat grapes instead?" 

"Not at all," he forces a smile that he's sure comes out like a half-mangled grimace and turns to make plates. Castiel's mind whirls, and he's not exactly sure how to feel. It's not like Dean's been hiding his Dynamic - he'd been proud of being a submissive, hadn't hidden that he went to a Domme regularly to go down. The fact that Anna was here now shouldn't bother him. 

Only, it did. A great deal. Not because of any reason, other than Dean dropped and didn't call him. Analyzing that strand of thought further meant he was jealous, wanted the blonde to himself, didn't like that Ana could do what Castiel couldn't. 

Castiel's infatuation was becoming a real problem. 

He sets up Anna's TV tray and nods when she mouths her thanks, turns to leave because he can't watch Ana handfeed Dean and not be jealous. 

"Where you goin'?" Dean rasps. His eyes are bleary, half-lidded, but centered on Castiel with a focus that leaves the sub feeling off-center. Anna coughs lightly on a grape and he looks up at her with an unreadable expression. A silent conversation occurs then, and after studying him for a minute, the woman nods and continues eating her fruit. By no means does the Novak envy the wordless exchange. (That's what he tells himself, anyway.)

"I have...paperwork to do," Castiel lies. "Gabriel wants it done before tomorrow. I came home early to finish it here." Lies, again. He wonders briefly what the tally would be if there was one - how many times had either of them lied? Dean would probably a fraction of his. It's a competition he wishes he didn't win.

"If you want, you can do it out here with us," Anna offers, biting a crisp grape in half. "I'd hate to isolate you into your bedroom. Dean and I can go into his room. He should sleep anyway, and I'll be leaving soon enough."

Castiel wishes the floor would swallow him up.

It doesn't.

He swallows down the bitter taste of objection, the cheer lodged in back of his throat. "Oh, you don't have to leave right away," he says, because it's polite and because he can sense Dean's disappointment from across the room at the aspect of his Domme leaving. "You can stay as long as you like. The TV is fairly easy to work. Thank you for the offer, but I really need to focus. Enjoy your evening."

He turns on his heel and makes his escape before either one of them can make him change his mind. 

*~*~*~*~*~*


End file.
